Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Northern Weather Demons

I have come to the conclusion that I am a regional chauvinist. I'm sure that none of my friends and acquaintances will find this the least bit surprising. However, I had deceived myself for sometime that I was an open minded person. I had this picture of myself as someone who could easily acclimate to foreign ways. I mean, I moved up north and got used to such oddities as unsweetened tea, crisp vegetables and meals which did not include cornbread. I even adapted to the insane pace at which people walk and talk up here. But yesterday I finally had to own up to the ugly truth.

It all started with the weather. I found myself getting extremely exercised about it. You can all understand it though. I mean, really. People talk about how hot and humid it is in Tennessee and parts of the really deep South like Mississippi. Well, that's true. But down there you expect it. I mean, if you complain too much down there people can say "Good Lord you're living in Memphis, what do you expect?" But up here it's different. You get lulled into a sense of false security by a mild Spring, and then BAM, it's 80 degrees. You don't even have time to switch the clothes in your closet. Pittsburgh, especially, has some of the most bizarre weather I have ever experienced. A few days ago we had turned our furnaces back on because it was so cold at night, and then yesterday it was 80 degrees. This is not right. What happened to transitional weather? See, this is why it's better to live in the South. It's hot, it's always hot, and we know it. We can prepare, we can brace ourselves. And we don't have those ridiculously cold winters. And when it snows down there we have the good sense to stay in the house. People up here actually go to work when there is ice on the roads. Then they get all upset when they have accidents. Well, if you would stay home, you wouldn't have that problem! Once when I lived in Chicago, I was actually forced to stand at a bus stop when the snow was drifting up to my knees. So now it's out there. I suppose I have no choice but to repatriate. I'm thinking of starting slow. Maybe Maryland...


Joy said...

While I dream of moving to central Arizona! Low humidity is the secret of happiness for me. I absolutely hate summer in Tennessee! It's like going out into a sauna and is too hot to live. You can come live in my house while I go to Flagstaff where I can breathe when I go outside.

Anonymous said...

White stuff? In Pittsburg? I heard (and recall) it fell from the sky a dirty grey from pollution! And you've got to love our S'thern humidity (here in Florida it's not just the heat, it's the heat and the humidity that our Northern cuzens bitch about). And where else can you get real corn bread and chicken... not some garlic-laced $50 meal. I can attest that Flagstaff is cold in May. And June. It's about 6,000 feet up in the Himalayas so I've been told. I froze when I was there. No humidity, though Joy, but you'd need the heating on 24/7/365 I reckon. Mind you, I think it's cold when it's below 75.